"Don't Be Judgmental"
Like many popular pieces of advice, "Don't be judgmental" can be a good reminder of how to handle yourself in various interpersonal situations. But, depending on circumstances, it can also be off the mark.How do you tell when you should reserve judgment about something a person is saying or doing, and when it's fully appropriate to go ahead and make a judgment?
Let's start with words. If you're involved in a conversation with someone, and you're tempted to offer a judgmental comment, first ask yourself:
- Do I need to encourage the person to tell me more so that I can really understand his point of view?
- Is the person expressing values that are acceptable, or at least that don't detract from our organization's efforts to maintain a healthy, ethical culture?
- Is the person seeking advice?
- Do I have my emotions under control?
Offering negative comments punishes the person for speaking frankly, with the result that your dialogue becomes guarded and less informative. If you need to hear more in order to understand, reserve judgment.
If yes, you may be best off holding your peace. For instance, most everybody agrees that it's smart to think twice before getting involved in discussions of religion and politics. On the other hand, if the person's statements are at odds with company policy, pointing this out calmly is generally appropriate.
If yes, you have permission to judge. Of course, you need to make sure you have all the relevant information first, and you need to calibrate how bluntly to offer your advice, which will depend on things like the personality and mood of the other person in the conversation.
If not, count to 10 before proceeding.
Now for actions. Since it's not possible to cover all conceivable scenarios, let's look specifically at one common work situation, namely a supervisor unhappy with something an employee is doing (or failing to do). The key here is to follow a process that puts first things first.
- Plan — Collect relevant information and decide what you want to accomplish in your discussion.
- Understand — Explain briefly what you want to talk about, and then listen to what the employee has to say. Play back what you've heard to make sure your understanding of the employee's point of view is accurate.
- Assess — Only at this point has the time arrived for making judgments. Probe for the employee's rationale and for his/her proposed solution. Decide on the completeness, reasonableness, and relevance of what the employee has said. Respond by explaining your own perspective, in light of all you now know.
- Act — Work with the employee to define the results needed, how the employee will approach achieving the results, and how to get started. Agree on a plan for tracking progress.
Labels: Management practices
posted by Karen Nelson @ 8:40 AM
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